from Marti, February 2

The beginning of our infertility journey started with a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). This is a test to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked. For this test they put a tube through the vagina and then put dye through so they can see the dye as it travels through the fallopian tubes. If the dye does not travel through the fallopian tubes then there is a blockage in the tube or tubes. My test showed that one tube was blocked and the other tube was open. My OBGYN, decided to send me to an infertility specialist who would then perform surgery to open the one blocked tube that I had. The blocked tube was due to scar tissue that grew from surgery I had as an infant. My doctor wanted me to have the best surgeon possible because she felt it would be a difficult surgery, so she referred me to Dr. Keenan.

In our first meeting with Dr. Keenan, he told Brian and I that he was not sure what he would find when he opened me up. That it was a 50-50 chance that both my fallopian tubes may have to be removed due to the scar tissue that could be present. We went back to my Mother’s house and I cried fearing that both my tubes would be removed. Brian told my Mom that the doctor did not say that both would have to be removed, that he just had to say the worst possible thing that could happen. We then called my sister-in-law, Tracy Morrow, who had personal infertility experience, and both she and my Mother reassured me that nothing like that was going to happen, that doctors always just had to tell the worst possible outcome.

The surgery was scheduled as an outpatient procedure at UT Medical Center in Knoxville, TN. My husband, mother, and one of our dear family friends, Mary Holmes came to hospital to give support.

When I woke up from the surgery I could not open my eyes or move my body, but I could hear the medical personnel talking about this girl who “lost” both her fallopian tubes and how sad it was because she was so young.  I remember thinking, “How many other people could have had this same surgery that I had?” Then I realized it was ME they were talking about, that I was the “poor, young girl that lost both her tubes!”

The next memory I have is being rolled into a hospital room and my husband waiting for me in the room. Then I saw my Mother gathering herself outside the doorway to prepare to come in, of course I knew why she was so upset, but they did not know that I also knew. Mother came in with Mary and also with Mary’s daughter, Judy along with Judy’s daughter Sara. Judy had grown up with me and I knew that she had been called with the news. Judy later told me she hated to come with her daughter, but did not have anyone to keep her. Judy and I had grown up together and had been there for each other through many things and now she just wanted me to know she was here for me. One of the most painful things for me was to see the hurt and pain on everyone’s face and yet none of them knew that I also knew this “secret” that they knew would devastate me.

Once they left I looked over to my husband and said “They took both of them didn’t they?” and he just nodded with tears in his eyes. At the time, I thought finding out the way I did (hearing the staff talk about me) was the worst way anyone could be told! Several years later, I realized it was God’s way of saving my husband from having to tell me this terrible news. Brian later told me he just did not know how he was going to tell me, but God took that burden away from him knowing we had many more to face.

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