Hormonal Reflections

When we started our embryo adoption process the biggest concern I had was over the hormones I was going to have to take. After going off birth control, my husband and I realized I was a much nicer person when I wasn’t chemically altered. Additionally, I had become somewhat of a hippie about what went in and on my body and tried to keep things as natural and organic as possible. These drugs were definitely going against my personal philosophies on wellness. I realized it was just temporary and wouldn’t be a lifestyle, but I was concerned about being totally nuts.

We had our mock cycle appointment scheduled for May. I was instructed to start taking Estrace approximately two weeks prior to the visit. This would thicken my uterine lining and allow Dr. Keenan to make sure my uterus would behave appropriately when it came time for the real thing. I called the nurse to ask if the drugs were going to make me crazy. She said some women are and some women aren’t, but she has had husband’s call and tell her they had to give their spouses something different. Great! I was going to be nuts! The time came around to actually start my medications and I warned people around me that I could be a nut job and to blame it on the hormones. I thought I was doing okay until one day at Whole Foods. The woman at the checkout had the audacity to suggest that I had too many items in my cart for her lane, which I didn’t because I had counted. Tears welled up in my eyes and I imagined myself ripping her face off…not exactly rational. Thankfully, a small piece of rational Jessica was still lurking inside and forced me to take a deep breath and quietly move my cart to a non-express lane. I knew if I said anything it would be all over.

Fast forward about three months. After my May Estrace experience, I enjoyed nearly three months of drug-free relaxed and rational Jessica. It was then I went on birth control to set my cycle for our transfer scheduled for September. Again, I was worried. And again, I was right to be.

My husband is a pack rat. It’s a well-known fact about him and I have learned how to make things just disappear. However, hormones invaded and I thought it would be wise to ask, then force him to throw out a box of old computer video games that had not been touched in the 5 years we had been married. This venture rapidly deteriorated into an all out fight where he committed a cardinal sin…he told me I was hormonal! I was not…I was perfectly rational. He was the one with the hoarding problems…my hormones were not involved in this fight at all. Yeah right! By the way, we still have the games.

August and September marched along and I learned to take some deep breaths and pause before I responded to anyone. However, that didn’t stop me from randomly crying for no apparent reason, but at least I wasn’t having visions of inflicting bodily harm on anyone. Our transfer was on September 17 and we would soon learn that it was successful. My body would eventually take over and it would be nature making me crazy, not prescription drugs. The first 12 weeks of pregnancy started with a daily battle with my toothbrush that induced dry heaving and all-day nausea, not to mention extreme fatigue. There was a major construction project taking place in my lower abdomen, so I tried not to complain. After all, I got what I asked for with a successful transfer and two babies on the way! Never fear, one day around Thanksgiving, I magically returned to the land of the living and pregnancy land was finally feeling pretty good. Praise the Lord!

One thought on “Hormonal Reflections

  1. Hi Jessica, my husband and I are expecting adopting parents. Our transfer was at the end of January and so far I am 9 weeks along with two. We are so excited but still cautious.

    When I read your blog, I felt that I could relate to many of your comments. I too was and still worried that I will be crazy. So far I feel completely sain for the most part, but I guess I am bias. Others may think otherwise, LOL.

    I can admit on episode. My husband has always had long hours at work and never sure exactly what time he will be home. He had been away for a long weekend and then had to work extremely late when he returned to work. When he was finally home at a somewhat decent time, I wanted him to myself. Unfortunately, his mind was still at work and I lost it. I was bawling and upset and by the time he figured it out I was even more upset. I knew this was not the first time work has called him away and I know it will not be the last. It was just hard to keep perspective at that moment.

    I am normally very independant and self sufficient, but lately I just want him to pay extra attention to me when he is home. And luckily, he has figured it out and has been more compliant to my needs. (I say that sarcastically but true).

    Anyway, thanks for sharing. Your blog allowed me to feel that there is someone else who understands. I only know of one other person who has gone through embryo adoption. I would love to be in contact with others who have and are going through this.

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