QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Hello Jessica,

I’m more than happy to reply to your comment. You had asked if it was ever difficult at first to see the babies (the family we donated to were blessed with twins). I didn’t find that it bothered me, although I was concerned that it might. I was happy that Marti was able to carry them as long as she did, and that they were born relatively healthy. I wasn’t sure how our relationship with them would develop. We had opted for an open adoption, and I was willing to maintain contact with the adopting family to whatever degree they were comfortable with. From the start, Marti has been wonderful with updates and pictures via email. Our relationship transformed to friendship between she and I, and sometimes when we talk we forget about the kids (both hers and mine!).

What I was most concerned about possibly bothering me was when and if I actually were to meet the babies. This did eventually come about in June 2009 when they were a little over a year old. I had been shown an article about a family that had donated embryos to five different families and they had a “reunion” (March, 2009, Good Housekeeping). I sent it to Marti, and she suggested we plan a vacation for our families to meet. We did this in June 2009, and again in March 2010, and it was great. I was not bothered by seeing them in the least. It’s quite to opposite; it is like reliving when my three boys were that age. My husband likens it to being like grandparents: you enjoy the time you spend with them, but when you see all the work involved, you are happy to see them go home with their parents. There is definitely a bonding connection that I feel towards them, but it isn’t maternal.

What I find difficult about seeing them is not knowing when I will see them again. They live in the Midwest, and we live in Northeast, so there is a considerable distance between us. I wonder how it will be as the twins get older. They took right to us on the first visit, and I think they may have remembered us this last time. As they get older, will it be that easy? Will they like us? Will we like them? Only time will tell.

If you have read the posts on the blog, you know how fortunate we all feel we are that this has worked out so well. Good luck to you. It is a difficult decision to make, and once done, it is hard to know what it expect. I’m glad that NEDC has started this blog so people can connect and share experiences. I think it will be helpful to others. I wish I had that available to us when we were trying to make up our minds.

Patty

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