CONVICTED

I often think about our other embryos and during my morning devotion, I was convicted about some of my motivations for keeping them for another year. The devotion was talking about Adam and Eve’s choice to defy God’s command by eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The reading stated that this action was demonstration of how we often discount all that God has given to us. We always want more. God is not enough and we often defy Him in search of more. Because of my crazy labor experience and c-section, I didn’t have the birth experience that I wanted. I wanted to go natural and after laboring all day un-medicated, I think that I could have gone the distance if they were not breech. I wanted to hold my babies right away and feel them against me; instead they were shown to me as little burritos and whisked away to the NICU. There are many other things that I wished were different and that is one of the reasons I’d consider going through the shots, sickness, and body distortion again. I feel like I missed out on something, but realize God has already blessed us beyond measure and I need to be satisfied with want we have, the experiences we’ve had and stop longing for something more. In every decision I make, I need to make sure that my motivations are pure and unselfish. I’m not much on resolutions, but for 2011, I resolve to refocus and reexamine my motivations. Am I doing something because it’s what I want or what God wants?

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