I did it. I sent the email I’ve been thinking about for a while now. We put our 10 remaining embryos back in the adoption pool. Jeremy and I discussed it last night and agreed it was the right thing to do. We couldn’t come up with any good, rational, non-selfish reasons to hold on to them.

Reasons for holding on to them:

• My fear that no one will adopt them because they are labeled “special consideration.” In some way I feel that I was protecting them by holding on to them even if we have no intentions of trying again.
• I’ll always wonder what became of them. Because we did an anonymous adoption, we’ll not know if anyone else adopted them or if any babies were born from them. Of course, through this blog and social media, if another adoptive family wanted to contact us, they could, and I think I would welcome it.
• Are we really done? My heart says yes, and I decided that if, for some reason, we change our minds in a few years and God wants us to have more children that are genetic siblings to Grant and Maria, their profile will still be available.

Reasons for letting go:

• I like symmetry and even numbers.
• We’re playing a man-to-man defense with two children.
• I don’t want another multiple pregnancy; but also can’t reconcile going through all the shots and hormones to transfer one embryo and limit the chance of a positive pregnancy. Plus, if it’s just one more baby it goes against bullet number 1 and we’d need to go for a fourth. (It’s not fun inside my head sometimes.)
• The cost of children…the possibility of private schools, college tuition, bigger house, bigger cars, etc. It all adds up and I would like to retire before I’m 90.
• If God sees fit for us to have another child He’ll make it happen however He sees fit…the “old fashioned way,” another embryo adoption, and or traditional adoption.

As the September cycle comes near, I know that couples will be receiving profiles. It’s been two years since we received our profiles and made the decision to trust God and go with the “special consideration” profile. For anyone who is reading this and is preparing for a transfer…PLEASE (shameless begging, here) consider one of these special profiles. Pray about it. Research it. Understand what you might be tossing aside out of fear. My first reaction was not to even look at those profiles…but God placed it on my heart just to type in VSD into the search on my computer and through that, I knew that there was nothing to fear and we would overcome any obstacles placed in our way. God proved faithful and gave us two healthy babies. Grant and Maria are PERFECT!

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One thought on “LETTING GO

  1. I know that had to ba very difficult decision. You’ve trusted God all along so yu can trust he will take care of the ones you are putting bac in the pool. By the way, I am totally with you on the even number thing! We want a third but for me that means probably a fourth! I don’t know why I’m hung up on even numbers as well!

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