This week we are getting ready for the twins’ birthday party. Yes, they were born in April, but I just had a family birthday party and not one that included friends. So we are having a pool party! In preparation for the party I have been talking to them about how to accept gifts and if they get one or not is not important; that the day is about having a great time with our friends and family. I went over getting a gift you may already have and I used the example of Julian’s blanket, “Moon.” Julian’s response was, “That would be great if I got another one, then I could give it to Daddy!” Daddy is always trying to take his moon, so he thought two would be great. To them any gift would be great and I hope they stay like that!
Last night Daddy and Natalie were leaving the pool and Julian and I were staying behind, Julian looked up and said, “There goes Daddy and Natalie, there go our best friends. We cannot be alone we have to go and get them!” Some days it can be very challenging as a parent and it is always those days that someone tells you these are the best years and you just think, boy am I in for it! But then there are days like last night when you realize that these just might be the very best days and you do not want to miss a moment! I am so thankful for all the time I get to spend with the twins and I pray for the moments I want to stand in Wal-Mart and scream while they are crying at the top of their lungs because I did not get Cheerios, which we already have at the house. I am thankful to say that I have not screamed in Wal-Mart, but lovingly told them that it is ok to feel sad, but we need to be thankful for what we got.
That is the mindset I tried to go with during my eight years of infertility. At times it was much harder than it sounds, but in the end I tried to be thankful for everyone in my life, while still preserving to parenthood. I am so thankful I did not give up; many times I wanted to, but in the end my desire to have a child out weighed my fear of loss. At times fears can get in the way of reaching a goal and I know I had a few with embryo adoption as well. The list is as following:
1. Not getting pregnant.
3. Relationship with Donor family
4. How the child copes with adoption.
5. Family reaction/relationship with child.
Then I realized that any way God brought a child to me it would come with risks. There is not a risk free life and certainly not a risk free conceiving/adopting plan. Sometimes you just have to jump in!