Can anyone tell me what the normal amount of poopy diapers is for any one toddler? I know newborns poop a lot…it’s how you can tell they are getting enough milk. But, my kids, Maria in particular, are taking poop to a whole new level. It is not uncommon for this child to poop 4 or 5 times a day. And these are not dainty little poops. These are massive, unlady-like poops. Poops that would put hair on any man’s chest. We were getting away with one big box of 234 diapers per month. But, not now…they’ve upped the ante and refuse to poop in anything but a fresh diaper, resulting in the need to increase the diaper budget. I’m sure this is completely unrelated to their high fruit and vegetable intake. Of course, I can appreciate a good poop. I come from a family who prides themselves on a healthy colon…a healthy colon is a happy colon…you should have been around when my parents and brother did a Colonix colon cleanse. I recall an email from my brother that left me in tears as he relayed pooping something from his childhood and his apologies to the hotel cleaning staff. I digress… Anyway, maybe Grant and Maria need some excess cheese in their diets to bind them up a bit. I guess we can rest assured that the plumbing is in working order, but sometimes it’d be nice to go a day without poop.
So much for deep thoughts…I just need answers about poop. And speaking of poop…tub poop no longer makes me gag. My dear sweet Maria manages to poop in the tub at least once every two weeks. Sometimes I catch her poo face and posture and can pluck her from the tub before she does the deed, but not always. I feel sorry for Grant, whose beloved bath time gets cut short as a result.
What else do I no longer find disgusting? I pick boogers with my bare hands and clean faces with my own spit. Hopefully I have washed my hands between booger picking and face cleaning. I can identify the meal they had the day before based on the odor from the diaper. Black beans and black berries make for an interesting menagerie of scents. Finding whole blue berries and raisins in the diaper make me wonder why I even bothered putting the food on their trays in the first place. Yes, these are the things you can look forward to as a parent. Sweet bundles of biohazards!