The first thing I did on Mother’s Day, before I even got out of bed, was to say a prayer on behalf of all Mothers. I prayed for Mother’s who had lost children, such as my mother-in-law did this year, those whose Mother has passed away, such as my friend Karen, those who long to be Mothers and those who are Mothers after such a battle as myself. As I was praying, Natalie came running to my bed to cuddle with me. I could not ask for a better Mother’s Day gift.
After the prayer we all got up and got ready for church. My pastor preached about an “An Unconventional Mother,” which was Hannah. He went on to say that bad things do not always happen to us because we do not know God already, but for us to get serious with God, like Hannah did. He talked about what a disgrace it was to be infertile in those times. How it came a point that Hannah would rather die than continue to be infertile and go through such disgrace. But how her husband loved her so much he always gave her a double blessing.
Going through infertility can feel very isolating, because we do not want people to think less of us. We do not want people to feel sorry for us, pity us or heaven forbid rub it in our face. I am sure anyone going through infertility can relate to some or all of those situations. It is hard to hear those stories in the Bible about women being blessed after infertility, only to see that you are still not blessed. But for me, it was always a source of hope.
Mother’s Day was always a very hard day for me while I was going through infertility. Now it is a hard day in a different way. As I went and put flowers on my own Mother’s grave that day, I was reminded to be thankful for wherever I am in life. I am now a Mother after so many years of longing only to be left with a different kind of sadness. Life for me has been about loss, longings, and blessings then the cycle starts again. I am so thankful for the Mother I had that taught me to love with my whole heart, to give till it hurts and to trust God no matter what your circumstances. Most of all, my Mother taught me to keep fighting no matter what my odds. Thanks Mom, if it was not for your support my infertility journey would have had a different outcome.