THINGS PEOPLE SAY

Experiencing infertility and adoption has made me much more sensitive to the language people use around adoption. Comments that people innocently make can make me flinch. Here are a few:
“His real dad” – Genetics don’t make a parent.
“Their real kids” – Adopted children are children, too. Do you mean genetic children?
“Are you going to have more children?” – If only you know how hard it was to get these two. I generally say, no, but God has a sense of humor, so who knows? I no longer ask people I don’t know well if they plan on having children or if they are done having children.
“Real adoption” – do you mean adoption of a child who was already born? While the legal issues surrounding embryo adoption are different than that of traditional adoption, I do not consider embryo adoption any less real.
What comments or phrases are sensitive to you?

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One thought on “THINGS PEOPLE SAY

  1. As a step-parent and an adoptive parent of an embryo I do not like the phrase “real mom”. For my two older steps are my kids in every sense that counts as I was a very important part in raising them to be successful adults. Now I have my son who will by 4 in just a month through the embryo adoption from NEDC.
    We are very private right now in that only our moms and a couple others know the truth of his genetic background so it bothers me some that people use the phrase but not too much. We chose not to tell everyone other than to say how blessed we were that God gave us this special boy. We live in an area unfortunately that does show bias and judgement in some of their actions so we are very careful how we approach the subject of his origin.
    My comments are usually brief but I state that I’m a mom to all my kids and leave it at that even though there is no genetic link to any of the children that I’ve had the honor to raise.

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