This post is dedicated to all those women out there who have either lost a mother or a child (at any stage), who have fractured or broken relationships with their mothers or children, or who yearn to be a mother and are just not.
Mother’s Day can suck.
I know this pain all too well. Sure, you may be thinking, I’m sure Mother’s Day was hard for you. But at least now you have your two children.
You are right. I’m blessed and so grateful to be a mom. But, I’ve also learned to never “at least” someone’s pain away.
I remember one Mother’s Day, being a couple years into our infertility struggle, sitting in a pew at church next to my husband, just sobbing. Wailing. People were turning around to look at me. I’m sure they thought I just lost my own mother. From that day on, I avoided Mother’s Day at church.
Even after Brae arrived, Mother’s Day hit me as bitter sweet. Sure, I was grateful to be a mom, but the pain and sheer agony I’d felt all those years before was still palpable.
And, you know what? It still is.
For me, every day is Mother’s Day. I get to be a mom every day to some of the greatest gifts God has ever given me. But to have an actual holiday geared at honoring and celebrating that role just puts a painful spotlight on the void and vacancy I felt for so many years.
On Mother’s Day, I don’t feel like receiving flowers or going out for brunch or getting gifts. I just want to be with my family. And, I want to reach out to the me several years ago and just give her a hug and hold her as she sobs. I would tell her, and every other woman for whom Mother’s Day just sucks, that I know how you feel. And maybe this day each year will get easier, and maybe it won’t.
And for that, I’m so sorry.