Friends with our Donors


I am now Facebook friends with our donors.

This may seem like a silly thing on which to write a blog, but it actually means a lot to me. I have a friend who is pregnant with twins through EA, and recently became “friends” with her donors, and was raving about how much she loved it.

Spurred on by this, I texted our donors to see if they wanted to be “friends.” I was delighted when they responded that they absolutely would.

It has been such a treat to be Facebook friends. I’m able to see all the pictures of Sienna’s genetic siblings, get to revel in the humorous and insightful posts they make, and am able to establish a tangible link between our two families.

Another bonus has come out of this growing relationship is that Sienna’s genetic sister, who will be in 5th grade, has started responding to some of the text messages I send to our donors. It is beyond a blessing to me to be able to have forged this relationship with Sienna’s full-blooded genetic sister.

For me, this is just part of the beauty of open adoptions. With the advent and growing popularity of the Internet, our world is getting smaller. To some, that is scary. To me, it is comforting.

I want Sienna to be able to know her genetic family. I want her, when the time is right, to ask any questions she wants to. I love that her genetic family is open and receptive to this. I am not threatened in any way by this openness. I long for it. Brae has it with his biological family, and we believe Sienna should have it with her genetic family.

Some reading this may not understand or relate to this, or even agree with this decision. I get that. It took me a while to get to this point, so I do understand the resistance and uneasiness.

Ultimately, however, I’m doing this for our daughter. In all of our adoption trainings (and we’ve been through a lot), there really is no such thing as a “closed” adoption anymore. (There are exceptions, of course). Most adoptees, at some point, hunger for information about their past, and with, again, the growing inner circle of our culture through social media, it is becoming easier to connect to our past.

For me, I feel blessed and honored to be able to have access to a wealth of information that, when the time is right, I can provide to Sienna.

To those of you out there, including my dear friends, who have adopted internationally, have more traditional “closed” adoptions, or who chose anonymous EA, I hope you take this post in the spirit in which it is intended. Your children also needed forever families. A child is not eligible for adoption simply because it would be an open one. So, I applaud your bravery and willingness to engage in that part of the adoption adventure. I suspect it is equally as challenging, and rewarding.


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