ATTRIBUTIONS and ADOPTION

I was talking with someone the other day about when Jeremy and I started wearing glasses and about how bad Jeremy’s vision is.  Basically without his glasses he is blind and he started with glasses while in kindergarten after his teacher thought he was making faces at her.  In reality, he just couldn’t see.  As a follow up question on the conversation the person I was talking to asked if Grant and Maria have bad vision.  This type of thing happens quite often where we are talking about a trait, genetic in nature, and the person I’m talking with asks where that comes from or if Jeremy and I were like that.  Often times the person knows that Grant and Maria were adopted, but I guess they just forget.  For me, I always pause before I answer.  Sometimes, I just answer the question that was asked and sometimes I remind them that Grant and Maria were adopted.  For many, I guess because I physically gave birth to them, the idea that they are not genetically tied to us isn’t readily on their mind.  For me, it’s quite the opposite.

There are many days where I observe them and wonder who they are like.  Is Grant a clone of his genetic father?  (My gut tells me yes.)  Who has the gangly toes that Maria inherited?  Is one genetic parent focused like Maria and does the other struggle to sit still like Grant?  Are they semi-vegetarian like Grant and Maria who will go to town on their fruits and veggies, but lukewarm about meat and cheese?  Does one insist on sleeping in socks like Maria and the other content to be barefoot year round?

These are the things I wonder about since we chose anonymous adoption.  These are the things that I will likely never have answers about and sometimes it’s hard to look at people who have genetic children who get to laugh about how someone got their dad’s way of doing this or that.  Not to say we don’t attribute behaviors to one another… I attribute Maria’s desire to dress monochromatically to Jeremy and often when I discuss Maria’s strong willed nature people look at me and wink while they say “wonder where that came from?”

We talk openly about their adoption with them and other people and I actually enjoy answering questions and sharing our story.  In fact, one thing Maria loves to do is read the calendar and she points out everyone’s birthdays.  When we get to September 17 she now says “that’s the day I went in your belly.”  I know she doesn’t understand now, but one day she will and I hope she sees it as special as I do.  I might not be able to answer all the questions they have one day, but one thing is for certain they will know they were wanted and that we loved them from before we ever saw their picture as tiny embryos.

 

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