I’m saying goodbye to my bosom buddy this week, my Ameda Elite Pump.  I thought I’d be sad about no longer breastfeeding.  A few months ago, closing this chapter from my pregnancy seemed extremely difficult, but it is time to let go.

For me, it wasn’t just about being able to feed my baby from my body (which still amazes me).  Nor, was it just about giving him the nutrients.  It’s the miracle, thanks to embryo adoption, that I was finally able to get pregnant and realize the dream of breastfeeding.  And that my body could and would produce milk.

I would always wonder:  How would that feel to hold your baby up next to you?  What do people mean exactly, when they’d talk about “the bond” created between a mother and child?  What would it be like to store up breast milk in the freezer for later?  (Still wondering that)…

As of July, when I first started weaning, I would get emotional about the thought of no longer producing milk for my baby.  But, it’s now time to say goodbye.  John Luke has pretty much weaned himself, except late nights or early mornings for just a nibble, and the pumping sessions produce minimal results.  I am talking scare results!

I’ve probably held on longer than I should have for the time invested.  At maximum capacity, I only ever got about 15-16 ounces per day, and the production has steadily declined over time.  Ameda and I have had a lot of late night laughs watching Jimmy Kimmel, and we’ve had many cups of coffee side-by-side in the early mornings.  We’ve even taken a few road trips together.  But it is time to let her go..for now.

I went from 3-4 pumping sessions a day, down to two, then to one.  This week, I went two days without pumping to see if I would “feel full”.  On the third day, I pumped 20 minutes just to “let the air out of the tires” but probably would have been fine not pumping at all.

The last time I tried to wean, I’d bought cabbage and ended up making slaw- No joke!  I wasn’t quite ready to end this emotional bond.  To be honest, I wasn’t quite ready to not be able to produce milk.  There’s something about being able to feed your baby if you’re stuck on an elevator, or stranded on a deserted island.  It’s a maternal instinct, I guess.

But now with a new head of cabbage in the fridge, and my pump renewal due at the end of the month, I must say farewell.  Hopefully, it’s not really goodbye Ameda, but “So long bosom buddy, until we meet again”!  You’ve been a good friend.


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