Birthmom visit: What she said


Last weekend, we had our 4th visit with Brae’s birthmom and his half-sister.

I’ve said time and time again that genetics play a nominal role in the similarities between siblings, and yet each time I see Brae’s half-sister, I feel like that role just keeps getting bigger.

They look so much alike. They make the same facial expressions. They make the same hand gestures. Even their pout is the same. They react to things very similarly. It’s astounding.

They are both very independent, strong-willed, and confident kids (all “nice” ways of saying “bossy”).

I know all of these traits can be positives when channelled the right way.

Brae’s birthmom is engaged and getting married next summer. I reiterated that if she wants us there, or Brae even in the wedding, it would be an honor. She beamed and nodded.

As the conversation was winding down, we talked a little about Sienna (who was traipsing around the little gym, minding her own business). And then Brae’s birthmom said something that stung my gut:

“You know, I was a little worried when you told me you were pregnant with Sienna. That you wouldn’t want or love Brae as much because you didn’t carry him.”

Right. in. the. gut.

I don’t blame her at all for saying this. I think it’s a very human and natural concern. I get it.

But for us, it is so wrong.

I explained to her that couldn’t be further from the truth. Brae made me a mom. Sienna made me pregnant. They are both so special and unique in their own ways. I told her it was actually harder for me to bond with Sienna, simply because she was a “fussier” baby. Brae was easy as pie. Sienna was more high maintenance.

My love and attachment to each Brae and Sienna developed in their own natural ways, and neither of them had anything to do with whether I carried them or not. They were both mine.

She grinned. I think she got it.


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