Here are notes from week two of a parenting class I recently took based on the principles of ‘Love and Logic,’ written by co-authors Charles Fay, Phd. and Jim Fay.
Three basic techniques for responding to misbehavior:
1)Change Your Location: Grocery store model- “Keep on trucking.” Always stay close enough to keep your child in view, but don’t let him know. Show happiness when he catches up with you, (“Oh, it’s great to see you.”) (“I am so glad you are with me.”) Helps them develop a sense of autonomy while teaching it is their responsibility to keep up with you.
Use very few words. Let consequences do the teaching. For example, when getting to the checkout line with items the child has put into buggy without asking, say “How are you going to pay for that?” Helps teach children accountability for their actions.
2)Change Location of Offending Object: Take away objects that are inappropriately being used by the child leading to misbehavior. Distract to another (safer) object.
Remember: Set limit once and enforce it with actions, not repetitive words.
It’s easier to establish this principle when they are young, and the price tag is small. It gets harder to invoke as they get older, and the price tag gets bigger. For example, teach them while they are young to respond to you, before they get in dangerous situations, such as in the parking lot of a shopping center, when the price tag and dangers are greater.
3)Change Location of The Child: Change location of the child if they are behaving negatively in their current environment. Distract to a different location/area. Make him go to his room.
Give the child a choice about his door staying open or closed. This allows child to feel that they are empowered in the decision making. If closed, make sure room is safe.
My advice: Every family has a different parenting style. And!…What works for one child may not work for another. The above are just tips from the class that I wanted to share.