Next week, I will be having my final embryo transfer. I had my first successful transfer in 2012. As I am full of raging hormones and intense expectations, I am holding on to the hope for a brother or sister for my sweet Vivienne. I only have 2 embryos left to use. The process before a transfer is very agonizing. It is amazing how many emotions a woman can work through in the journey of embryo adoption. It is a constant reset of emotions over and over again.
I am very big into research and gathering information from a collaboration of different sources. The big question I read as I have collected information on embryo transfers has been – How many to transfer? The discussions are intense. I believe the outcome that most people want and most doctors will support is one healthy baby. The idea of transferring more embryos to produce a better outcome can lead to sorrow on many levels. I feel it is better to be cautious than to allow a desire of a pregnancy to persuade women emotionally when making this decision. From experience, I feel seeking out wisdom from professionals who know the outcomes well and women who have had experiences with transferring their embryos can be helpful in making the final decision in how many embryos to transfer.
This week I reached my emotional melt down and called the embryologist in hopes to secure an answer for my anxieties (like she would guarantee a successful transfer with the outcome I wanted). I feel that is what every woman wants and a 100 percent guarantee of success. After all the work, isn’t that what we all deserve? 🙂 The call made me feel more prepared for my transfer with expectations put in place, but no guarantees. As a recipient of these precious lives, I have to reflect and bring myself down from the shelf of expectations and to the place of thanksgiving for the opportunity that has been given.
In sharing my story with a midwife friend of mine, she gave me a reflection of this process that I could not see from my side. How many women get the opportunity to adopt in this way? Most women don’t get their dreams fulfilled in childbirth or adoption. I hope I can always remain in place to appreciate ALL things and not want more than God has placed in my life. And at the end of day, or the outcome, I am brave, courageous and thankful I had this opportunity to share this experience God has given to me in my life. Feeling thankful 🙂
Attached is a pic of Vivienne @ 5 months May 2013. Please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to discuss your story with me, I would love to hear from you.