This week has been so very emotional. My thoughts and prayers have been for myself and other transfer moms all enduring the waiting period of all our results. I received news my test was positive. I knew by how I was feeling it was positive, however I was going through terrible cramping and not feeling the best. It has felt different than any prior transfer I have done. The call finally came in of a positive but my HCG level, however, was very low at 39. My emotional stability was lost at that point. I am also grieving for a transfer mom who received a negative result for her sibling transfer.
I wish we could all get together with our tissue boxes and chocolates and cry and comfort each other. It is just hard for words – everyone on here knows the work and heart it takes to go through these transfers and holding your breath on the results. You feel relief and then grieve. You want everyone to get that positive – especially – you.
After my result, I didn’t know how to feel. My first thought went to my daughter and how she is going to feel without a sibling to share life with. How will life change for her and adapting our family to a one-child situation? I was dead beat by the end of that day in trying to emotionally collect myself and think through all the what-ifs.
If I had a choice I would rather it be all over now than be spent emotionally on it ending in miscarriage and more grief of a lost heart beat or later miscarriage. I will receive my next result Thursday. I am hoping and praying it will bring a celebration for hope.