Pregnancy and Loss


This last week, October 15th was pregnancy and loss remembrance day. This day is very significant in my life as I have had to say goodbye to two pregnancies of my own and an adopted embryo that didn’t survive. In all, I have to say, there was no difference in the emotional attachment of my own verses my adopted one. The wound was deep and the pain almost unbearable.

I find it ironic that this world gives names for many losses such as widower or orphan, but none given for those who lose a child. I wanted to write about it in my blog today because it is an issue that means a lot to me and it is something I have had to endure face on. I have been educated by experience and now, hopefully, I can give comfort to someone who has had to go through the experience without support or friendship.

I know there are services provided through NEDC to help women who have had to experience miscarriage. Statistically, I would like to know how many women use the service. I know from my experience the last person I would want to talk with about my emotional state would be a stranger. In fact, I couldn’t talk about miscarriage for a couple of years. I know that everyone handles pain in his or her own way. It is a difficult subject as the responses can be surprising. People can be terribly unkind and some just uneducated. I feel it is a very vulnerable experience to share with others. I would love to hear from anyone who would want to share how they were helped in their time of need.

As far as pregnancy and loss day, many women remember their babies in many ways. Some people light candles, or have a special memorial item made on their behalf. I have a friend that celebrates these babies yearly with a planned significant memorial for all moms who provide their babies names and due date or birth date. I participated in a hot air balloon memorial last year. All the babies’ names were written on pieces of paper attached to a helium balloon and released from the hot air balloon. It was a beautiful idea and memory that every life is precious. It gave me permission to share my feelings and open my heart in that private place. It has brought healing for me.


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