Reflections 2014

Sarah

In September of this year, we transferred our last two embryos. In preparation for the transfer, we traveled to Tennessee for our trial transfer in May. We were able to meet up with another couple who were also embryo recipients. This was an awesome opportunity and experience. At the same time, we were going through a lot of emotions with being back at NEDC for the first time since 2012.

I was very excited and nervous to get medically cleared and talk about our embryos and what our options were if the transfer was not successful. I tried not to have too many expectations; out of experience, there are always circumstances that may arise to alter what plans we have made. I was worried about what may come up in our returning interview that would change our desired course of having a sibling for our daughter.

During our visit with Dr. Keenan, there was a discovery that I had two strange-looking growths on both of my ovaries. The look on this man’s face told me something could be terribly wrong. We left that day with cancer being a possibility and the fate of our leftover embryos in God’s hands. I went from being hopeful to terrified! I just couldn’t believe what was happening. Like I said, you just never know what can change the outcome of our plans. At that point I knew trusting God was what I had to do and that maybe this day saved my life.

After getting the tests back with a wonderful negative to the cancer possibility, I still remained at an emotional distance. I had no control over the outcome of things. Our transfer was successful as both embryos survived the thaw and found a home in me. But even Dr. Keenan said, “Its in God’s hands now.” I truly believe that God orchestrated this decision. Only one baby survived out of the two and, by embryo standards, they were top-grade. It is so hard to embrace that outcome, at times.

Even now with every ultrasound and test done, I can’t bring myself to think ahead because I know I have to take one day at a time. I am now 17 weeks and get nervous that everything is ok. Will this baby make it to its birthday? When I go over every milestone of its life so far I have to bring myself to surrender. Even then it is a hard and emotionally challenging some days to trust God for safekeeping. In looking back on 2014, I am thankful this path has led to a sibling-pregnancy and cancer-free outcome. Thank you Jesus! Hoping and praying for a healthy baby and all the new babies that will come from embryo adoption in 2015!

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