POOP: AN UPDATE

Maria must be reading my blog and perhaps was a bit embarrassed at her excessive pooping. Over the weekend she had a total of 4 poopy diapers. Saturday was just one small compact lump. Yesterday, she increased to three deliveries, but nothing like what was being established as a norm. Jeremy got the last one and declared it large, but I can’t be certain that it was truly making up for Saturday’s lack of activity. We’ll see what she has in the chamber today.

Grant seems to have backed off a bit as well, but after inspection of a delivery yesterday I determined that he still hasn’t perfected the finer art of chewing. Took me a minute to identify the zucchini they had for dinner the night before. At least he ate the zucchini, right?

Speaking of poop… our dog loves to visit the cat litter boxes, and I’ve been waiting for the day when one of the babies breaks through the baby gate and gets into the boxes. I’ve seen increasing curiosity regarding that area of the laundry room, but I think (hope) I might have foiled their diabolical plan. It was actually an unintended benefit of keeping our older cat, Ally, from throwing litter all over the place and tracking it through the house. It’s a top entry litter box that prevents litter from being slung out and traps what is on their paws as they get out. I was skeptical, but it does work and I no longer have litter all over the place. When I was researching this new cat toilet, the final selling point was is that it prevents small dogs and toddlers from getting in. (I guess Grant and Maria aren’t the first kids who ever were curious about the cat’s toilet.) I’m not naïve enough to think they won’t ever be able to break into the box, but I think it will at least slow them down.

POOP

Can anyone tell me what the normal amount of poopy diapers is for any one toddler? I know newborns poop a lot…it’s how you can tell they are getting enough milk. But, my kids, Maria in particular, are taking poop to a whole new level. It is not uncommon for this child to poop 4 or 5 times a day. And these are not dainty little poops. These are massive, unlady-like poops. Poops that would put hair on any man’s chest. We were getting away with one big box of 234 diapers per month. But, not now…they’ve upped the ante and refuse to poop in anything but a fresh diaper, resulting in the need to increase the diaper budget. I’m sure this is completely unrelated to their high fruit and vegetable intake. Of course, I can appreciate a good poop. I come from a family who prides themselves on a healthy colon…a healthy colon is a happy colon…you should have been around when my parents and brother did a Colonix colon cleanse. I recall an email from my brother that left me in tears as he relayed pooping something from his childhood and his apologies to the hotel cleaning staff. I digress… Anyway, maybe Grant and Maria need some excess cheese in their diets to bind them up a bit. I guess we can rest assured that the plumbing is in working order, but sometimes it’d be nice to go a day without poop.

So much for deep thoughts…I just need answers about poop. And speaking of poop…tub poop no longer makes me gag. My dear sweet Maria manages to poop in the tub at least once every two weeks. Sometimes I catch her poo face and posture and can pluck her from the tub before she does the deed, but not always. I feel sorry for Grant, whose beloved bath time gets cut short as a result.

What else do I no longer find disgusting? I pick boogers with my bare hands and clean faces with my own spit. Hopefully I have washed my hands between booger picking and face cleaning. I can identify the meal they had the day before based on the odor from the diaper. Black beans and black berries make for an interesting menagerie of scents. Finding whole blue berries and raisins in the diaper make me wonder why I even bothered putting the food on their trays in the first place. Yes, these are the things you can look forward to as a parent. Sweet bundles of biohazards!